First Lines Revisited

I’ve just sent another short story off to a publisher in hopes of getting in a 2013 anthology.  Here’s the first line:

“Darling, you’re stealing my thunder,” Lawrence Frightengale murmured as he smiled,
showing off his sharp canine inserts while dramatically bending his victim over
his arm.

 So what do you think?  Would this line hook you in to read a few more paragraphs?

And no, Lawrence is not a vampire — he’s a horror host on television.


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