Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Randomly Generated Tentacle Humor


So, MLR Press published my novel The Klockwerk Kraken. It's about a tentacled bartender named Teo and it's set on a distant waystation on the edge of the galaxy's spiral arm...okay, you probably don't want to hear about that. Tentacles aren't for everyone. (But if they are, you can buy it at MLR Press  | Amazon | iBooks | All Romance eBooks | Kobo | Barnes and Noble.)

Getting back to my dilemma, my brain is completely fuzzy on what to write in my blog post. I'm just so happy and jumping around like I've got rabbits attached to my feet and I can't think of a thing to write about (other than tentacles which I know aren't for everyone).

In a fit of writer’s block, I turned to technology, because there's always an app for that. In this case, I turned to a Random Blog Topic Generator. I put in some nouns and these were the topics the generator suggested I write about:

1. 10 Signs You Should Invest In Tentacles
Hmmmm. A sign you should invest in tentacles...Free Hugs! Maybe as jar openers? I remember reading that you could train an octopus to open a jar.

2. 5 Tools Everyone In The Octopus Industry Should Be Using
A tool everyone in the octopus industry should be using--a wet suit! Or maybe an aquarium. Most
octopuses are pretty small. Now, if we’re talking squid that would be a little different. The colossal squid can get to be up to 60 feet. You might need a leash for that thing.

3. The Ultimate Cheat Sheet On Tentacles
The ultimate cheat sheet on tentacles would have to contain sucker management for those hard to unstick suckers on the end. Or maybe have an accounting of how many suckers are on a tentacle?

4. Think You're Cut Out For Being An Octopus? Take This Quiz
I think I'm definitely cut out to be an octopus! I bet I could ace that quiz. I mean, how hard could it be squeezing into impossible spaces, changing my chromatophores to mimic my environment and eating tasty fish all day?

5. 15 Best Blogs To Follow About Tentacles
Blogs to follow about tentacles...I wonder if there are fifteen out there. Currently, mine could be included. I’m certainly writing about tentacles a lot lately.

6. 10 Things Your Competitors Can Teach You About Octopuses
Things my competitors can teach me about octopuses...competitors being—the zoo? Or maybe the
aquarium? A high-end pet store?

7. How To Solve The Biggest Problems With Squid
How to solve the biggest problem with squid would definitely involve how not to be used for bait in the Gulf Coast. We used to buy squid to fish with by the bucketful. And maybe how not to be eaten by sperm whales. Or humans--when they turn them into tasty, tasty calamari. Yum!

8. What Will Octopus Be Like In 100 Years?
What will octopus be like in the next century...well, if you read my book, The Klockwerk Kraken, they might look a little like us. You should check that out! ;)

I hope you've gotten a kick out of my randomly generated titles. Can you think of any signs we should invest in tentacles or what the ultimate cheat sheet on tentacles might look like? LOL!

Oh, and I'm participating in the Night Owl Reviews Scavenger Hunt this year. Join our Thunderclap and let all your friends know about all the cool prizes up for grabs:

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